Monkey Business In Progress.......

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Sunday, January 04, 2004

O' Canada

For New Year's, a few of us decided to take a little road trip to Canada. I went to Niagara Falls over the summer, and I thought the country sucked pretty hard. I figured, however, that w/ a huge casino and cheap booze that I could potentially develop a fondness for our neighbors to the North.

So off we went in Katie's mom's MINI VAN. We were pimping up I-75 hardcore. After a quick stop at the Jiffy Lube in Florence, due to fear of a flat tire, we began a journey that would change our lives...Not really...I just thought that sounded intense....

So we began our trip with a bang.The first night we were there, we were almost kicked out of our hotel. We'd been out to the bars and we came in about 3 a.m. I guess in our drunken states, we might have been using our "outdoor" voices, which apparently is not taken too kindly at the Hilton in Windsor, Ontario. So, its around 3:30 and we hear a pounding at the door. We panic slightly thinking it is the fools that we met at the bar earlier. Katie goes to check who it is, and comes running back to the bed exclaiming "There's a man in a SUIT!" He continued to knock and it didnt occur to any of us to answer it, but finally Elizabeth( who had been in the shower) goes to the door. He was a real wankoff and was like, i expected you to answer the door....and goes on and on....and then tells us that we're gonna get thrown out if he had to come back. Then we passed out so he didnt get to come back. We sure showed that bastard!!!!

Also, we had the waitress from HADES at this little joint called Peppers...aka the Hooters of the North. It was 2 in the afternoon and she's running around w/ her tatta's hanging out of her top, which I guess is appealing to the male customers, but I wasn't amused. It took her forever to bring our drinks, food, etc. I guess because she realized that we were not impressed by her breastesses and wouldnt be leaving her any additional tips based on her cleavage. So FINALLY she brings our check, and its all on one ticket. Well, none of us have any of that wackass Canadian currency, so we handed her four debit cards. That bitch proceeds to say..and I QUOTE: "That's FOUR cards. Come on guys. That will take forever." And we go, umm sorry, we don't have any cash. And she Goes, " Come on Guys, it's less than $10"!!! So since she refused, poor Eliz had to put all four meals on her credit card!!! Needless to say, Princess Tattas didn't get a tip!

So the Canadian club experience is definitely "unique." As we walked down the street, this guy slugs me in the arm and invited me to the strip club, to which he so eloquently referred to as "the Canadian Ballet." Soooo weird..... We met a very personable girl in the bathroom who just adored our accents. About an hour later we were quite intrigued by her exotic dancing up on the stage. There were also some VERY interesting dance moves being displayed. For example, this guy comes up behind Eliz, and pulls her to the ground and starts grinding ON THE GROUND. It was the WEIRDEST thing I have ever seen in my LIFE.

On our way back we had to sit on the bridge for an hour and a half to freakin' come back to America. In a state of excitement to finally be back in "God's country," we somehow missed the I-75 exit ramp. Yes, that's right. Four girls lost in DETROIT in a MINI VAN. We stopped at a gas station in MEXICANTOWN, and we designated Erin to be the one who got out to ask directions. A Neon of sketchy looking characters pulled up and began making suggestive gestures in our direction. We were convinced that we were about to meet our doom at the quicky mart in Mexicantown, Detroit. Ohhh what a way to go! Somehow, we survived and made it to the interstate which led us to freedom....aka...Kentucky.

So yeah, aside from these few incidents, our trip was relatively uneventful considering our road trip track record. Actually, though it was incredibly fun, one could consider it boring in comparison to our usual antics. We kept ourselves relatively under control...And who knows? Maybe we're mending our wild and crazy ways.....But I doubt it....

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